


forgive

by syncopate (orphan_account)



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 11:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/syncopate
Summary: "don't fucking touch me."





	

it’s a mistake, kibum had known the moment their mouths touched, a mistake when his tongue curled into the other man’s mouth and the moan had sent a shock down his spine, a mistake when he threaded fingers through his hair, touched his hand to the skin above his jeans. but he is different from jonghyun, taller, broader, well-built, and in his alcoholic haze, kibum thinks one kiss, one touch, one time would be alright.

it’s not.

because jonghyun walks into his office party and sees them, because his loving, beautiful, wonderful boyfriend had wanted to make sure he got home safe, because he knew the amount of alcohol consumed during these bashes. and kibum is a fucking asshole.

jonghyun’s face is crystallized when he sees them, sharp as glass splinters. and kibum pulls away from his colleague, shame a bitter taste at the back of his throat, and before he can open his mouth, jonghyun smiles, wooden, stiff, fake. “we’ll discuss this at home.”

it brooks no dispute, so kibum gives none.

the ride home is like silent torture. because jonghyun doesn’t say a word, a living marionette driving the car, the only sound within the four doors their breathing. and kibum is too afraid to say what he wants to say. _do you hate me? i’m sorry. please don’t leave me._

when they get home, jonghyun silently parks the car, silently unlocks the door and silently but decisively walks to the wardrobe and begins to pull out his clothes.

“what are you doing?” kibum exclaims. and jonghyun looks at him, and there is nothing in his eyes, and nothing escapes his lips. and it terrifies kibum, because jonghyun’s mouth likes to move, likes to burble about his day, muse on random philosophies, because even when he teases him about being “so noisy”, kibum loves that.

“don’t-don’t leave me,” he pleads, reaching out. “it was a mistake, i was drunk, i _am_ drunk. i love you. _please_.”

when his hand brushes jonghyun’s elbow, his boyfriend springs away. “don’t touch me,” he hisses.

but kibum persists, reaching out again to graze his upper arm, intending to clutch, to pull, to stop.

“don’t fucking touch me with those hands.”

there is venom in the words that makes kibum still, and in that interim, jonghyun takes out a suitcase and begins packing it. and kibum feels desperation erupt in his chest. he springs forward and wraps arms around jonghyun, stopping him in his tracks.

“don’t touch me,” jonghyun repeats. and kibum shakes his head. “i won’t i won’t let you go.” he can feel jonghyun shaking in his arms, and he wonders if he’ll be thrown off, pushed away harshly, like poison, like what he deserves.

“let go, kibum,” jonghyun whispers, voice deadly and quiet. and kibum ignores him, resolutely holding on. he closes his eyes and leans in, trying to memorize jonghyun, trying to let his touch say what his words cannot. trying to tell him sorry, to erase it, make him forget.

“let me _go_.” and it’s a cry this time, a wrenching, heartbreaking scream. and kibum is shocked into releasing him. he watches as jonghyun falls apart, a puppet with broken strings. curling into himself and almost crashing into the floor. he can hear his heart in his ears; beating with panic and ugly shame. “i love you,” jonghyun screams, tears rolling down his cheeks. “i love you. how could you _do that_?”

“i’m sorry,” kibum says. “i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry.” and it’s not enough, it might never be enough. but it’s all he has left.

 

~-~

 

’why did you do it?’ jonghyun asks, when the tears have dried out and the pain has dulled a little more. kibum is sitting on his heels a little away from jonghyun, watching him with a wariness that would look more suited on a skittish cat. jonghyun would laugh, except he feels numb, and he doesn’t know yet if that’s preferable to feeling like an open wound. 

‘i-he was hot,’ kibum says simply. ‘and he wanted me, and i was flattered. and for some reason i thought one kiss wouldn’t matter. god, i’m such an asshole.’

‘i’m glad you realize,’ jonghyun replies. he doesn’t move when kibum creeps over, doesn’t move away when kibum places a hand tentatively on his lap.

‘are you leaving?’ kibum asks, and there’s a plaintive quality to his voice that jonghyun hasn’t heard before. 

‘i don’t know,’ jonghyun replies, almost laughing. because he _should_ leave, because their relationship feels tainted now, damaged. ‘i don’t want to.’

kibum sucks in a breath, and his shoulders sink. ‘i don’t want you to,’ he whispers. ‘we can work this out, can’t we?’

‘i don’t know,’ jonghyun says again. and when he looks at kibum, his eyes are sad. ‘can we?’

‘forgive me,’ kibum says suddenly. ‘you have to forgive me. we can get over this, please jonghyun. i love you. i love you so much. it was stupid, i was drunk. he was drunk. forgive me.’

he slides down until he’s against the floor, almost like he’s prostrating himself in front of jonghyun. ‘you have to forgive me.’

his voice is almost broken, cracked and sorrowful. ‘you have to forgive me,’ he says again, and there’s something unbearably pathetic at the whole sight. jonghyun feels his heart beat, feels the ice shatter, and he leans forward and pulls kibum up, gathering him into his arms. 

‘i can’t right now,’ jonghyun whispers, holding his shaking shivering boyfriend. ‘but i’m not leaving you. not yet.’

kibum just clutches at him with weak hands.

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt on my tumblr!  
> come prompt~ if you want ^^


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